An all-knowing parent I’ve never claimed to be. Or even close. But one skill I do have, I’ve found, is being able to ruin my toddler’s day in about one second flat.

Somedays, what goes through my toddler’s mind completely baffles me. He is completely obsessed with certain tiny details, and he cannot get past them without an enormous meltdown. I continually ask myself: are all toddlers this regimented? This much of a pain in the you know what?

For my sake, I hope I’m not the only momma who deals with this. If I’m not, then I need to seriously judge my parenting skills. If I am, then while I am sorry for all you others out there, does it help that I can totally relate to and sympathize with you? (fist bump)

So here, in no particular order, is a list of the things that if I do not do will definitely ruin my toddler’s day. And this list grows by the minute.

1. Top of diaper or pull up must fit below belly.

My child is a lean one. He does have a little bit of a belly now, which is adorable. However, nothing must touch the belly! If I am helping put his pull up on, I only raise it up to his knees. From there, he fixes it just the way he wants. Pants, too, must not be over the belly.

2. Shirts with buttons are out.

This sort of came out of the blue. Most of his shirts are just pull on. Only a few of his special occasion ones have buttons. For Christmas, he got a pair of Mickey Mouse pajamas and Thomas the Train pajamas. Both are two separate pieces with button up shirts.

He will not let me button the shirt. At first, I thought he just didn’t like the pajamas. This would be weird because he is obsessed with Mickey and Thomas. But that’s not the case. He wants to wear them every night. If I try to button the buttons, though, hell hath no fury.

3. We must have pockets.

This one I’m sort of like, “same, little man.” It’s not a deal breaker, per se, but if his shirt and/or his pants have pockets, it’s a total win. He always has to check as we’re putting his clothes on–or now, he’s even begun to ask in advance. If it’s a day that this is a huge deal, though, I just put on his jacket that has pockets, and he’s okay with that.

4. Pants must cover leg and ankle.

Pants must cover all of the leg and ankle at all times–even when sitting. Oh, but they are cute little joggers that are supposed to show a bit of ankle? Nope, no dice, Mommy. 

5. Shoes must slide on easily.

This one is a constant pain. He has worn a pair of Stride Rite tennis shoes to daycare every single day for the past nine months. The brand is awesome and super durable. After a certain amount of time, though, the shoes do need replaced. He doesn’t want to replace them.

His new tennis shoes he got for Christmas? Nope.

His other “nice” tennis shoes that he’s had for months? Nope, not any more.

He used to be okay with them. Now they’re the devil. I just know the current one’s tread is wearing off, and that cute baby foot smell is long gone.

6. Shirt sleeves must be pulled down perfectly under jacket sleeves.

This is the bane of my existence every morning and evening. He loves a little blue windbreaker that I bought last year. We were on our way to “A Day Out with Thomas” for his birthday, and a monsoon hit. I ran in a store, and this was all I could find. He loves it. He won’t wear any other coat, no matter the temperature. If it’s being washed, or God forbid left someplace, day completely ruined.

After he puts it on, though, if the sleeves of his shirt are not perfectly straight and pulled down underneath the sleeves of his jacket (while everything in the cosmos is also aligning perfectly), we have a problem. A big problem. A gargantuan toddler-sized problem that makes Mommy want to beat her head against the wall. I think I’ve almost got how he wants it figured out. Of course, just as soon as I say that, I will have jinxed myself.

Those are just a few things that if I do, I will completely ruin my toddler’s day. Am I alone in this? Is it just my toddler that has a specific list of things that must go right in order for him to be right? I sincerely hope not.